On the Line by Jen McLaughlin

Author:Jen McLaughlin [McLaughlin, Jen]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2017-11-27T18:30:00+00:00

Nineteen

Sarah

The next afternoon, we sat in Captain’s office, staring at him as he read my file, trying not to stare at one another as he did so. Last night with Ben had been…yeah, it had been incredible. The things dreams were made of. I’d never felt the way he made me feel—alive, vibrant, wanted—with any other man, and I had begun to suspect I imagined the whole thing. That all those memories of coming to life in his arms had been the childish fantasies of a girl who’d loved a boy with all her heart, and that the reality of the subject had been far duller than remembered.

One night in his arms had robbed me of that notion.

Being with Ben was like chasing a violent storm. I knew it might hurt me, and there was a chance I’d end up sucked into an endless void, but I did it anyway because guess what?

The risks were worth the reward.

If he’d wanted more than a one-time thing, if he’d wanted to keep on seeing each other in secret, I had a feeling I would have done it, despite the consequences. I would have given it all up for him, but in all honesty, I was happy he hadn’t asked me to do so. To risk everything was to put my ability to care for my mother in jeopardy, and I couldn’t do that. I could risk it all for myself, but not my ailing mother. It was better this way…

Or so I kept telling myself.

But having him at my side, dressed in his usual suit and button up shirt, was killing that thought process in my head, because he looked good enough to lick. He’d slicked his blond hair slicked back and slightly to the side, the way I liked it, and those arms that had held me up as he brought me to pleasure repeatedly were bulging against his suit jacket, begging to be set free.

I couldn’t stop staring.

One taste of what things had been like with Ben wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. And yet…it had to be enough. I couldn’t risk losing my job, and having to move my mother out of her home. I couldn’t just get a job in another town, since it was imperative I remain close to my mother in case of emergencies. There was no way this worked out happily for us, yet I knew instinctively that if we did this, if we ignored caution and gave us a try, we’d be happy. Truly happy.

Life wasn’t fair.

I glanced at Ben again, unable to help myself.

He’d been staring at me, but when I looked at him, he jerked himself slightly as if he realized he’d been staring, sat up straighter, and winked cockily at me.

I forced a calm smile in return.

Captain lifted his chin. “Did no one stand by your side after this went down?”

“No, sir.” I gripped my knees. “No one.”

“And your partner?” he asked, staring at me as if he hadn’t watched me grow up, and as if I hadn’t sat at his table every Sunday night for dinner.

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